Guess what? I’m back! Actually, come to think of it, are you sick of me saying those same words? As the long suffering reader of this place knows, I do have a love/hate relationship with blogging. At times I’m high on life with it. So much so that I’m doing a Cossack dance up and down my hallway (I have a very wide hall), whilst listening to ‘Turbo Lover’ by Judas Priest OR I’m lifting the home page up, which of course is attached to the computer and then hurling it out the window.
So here we are. Hiking Fiasco. The resurrection. You know what? I’ve been away for so long, some things have come and gone. So gone, they now feel like they happened a million years ago. Like the Olympics. There I was, sprawled across the couch like a wide-eyed chump, watching streamed sports that I had no idea what was happening. You know, like handball.
Okay, I get the basic idea. Grab something that looks like a nerf ball and hurl it at a hundred miles an hour into a net that appears to have shrunk in the wash. Actually, I watched a stack of handball, but I think it was more to do with one particular commentator. This bloke would make up his own sayings. When one player had his shirt held whilst running, the man of comments exclaimed in horror, ‘He’s got hold of his carriage!!’ Huh? The ol’ carriage shirt? Not to mention the time an oversized European Yeti jumped over some players and my favourite commentator poetically announced, ‘He rises into the air. Like a salmon!’ Now you know why I watched so much handball.
Oh, don’t even talk to me about weightlifting. A lot of it streamed on the BBC didn’t have any commentary at all. Simply, it was hours of people walking around, throwing small vehicles above their heads, screaming, and then walking off again. I had no idea what was going on.
Anyway, I guess I should get back to something more relevant. During my blogging downtime I did some reading on a subject I probably should have researched about six years ago. Roughly on the day before I started this blog. Search Engine Optimisation (SEO). Yeah, I can just see your eyes begin to glaze over right now. Don’t worry though, feel some pity for me. I’m the one who firstly had to research it and secondly, has to write about it. Right now, set up on a timer, I’ve got a taser down the front of my trousers. Every 12 seconds it shocks me back awake as I write about this topic.
Somehow my brain found out the difference between a H1 and a H2. Oh, if you’re wondering. It’s not a new-fangled way of describing going to the Gents. It’s about a header tag and how it’s searched on Google. Exciting, huh? Not to mention learning about focus key words. Every post needs them and it’s helpful if they’re repeated within the content. This all helps for the entry to be optimised.
Hey, do you want my taser? Are you still awake? Don’t worry, I have more. Forget waterboarding. Just inflict SEO articles on the enemies of the state. Sub-headings. Apparently it helps to have them. You know, so the savvy reader who’s time poor can quickly scan through a post and find the content he wants. Maybe in some upcoming posts I’ll give it a go, but I’ve got to make sure they range from H2 to H4. There should only be one H1 title per post and that’s the heading. See what I mean? Shoot me now. Actually, I’m not convinced I’ll be able to maintain the strictness of what’s required, as my anarchic self, naturally rebels against these ‘rules’.
So, in the future you may notice a couple of oddities in a post. The overall heading should be the focus keyword. That’s no problem, but then it’s meant to be repeated within the entry. Certainly this can appear odd, as suddenly the heading reappears in text for what appears to be no apparent reason. What’s worse is it makes the writing stilted. I gave it a go on some older posts and the focus key word now pops up like a ‘Where’s Wally’ and written in a way as if I wrote it whilst my underpants were vacuum-sealed to my body.
It made me think about a few things. Hiking Fiasco. The Resurrection. Ha! Did you see what I just did there? It’s magic. Anyway, in my thoughts I did ponder how Google has us all well and truly by the nuts. Not just with a grip, but a twist AND lift as well. I searched Google for some older posts and they’re barely anywhere to be found. Yet first cab off the rank in the search for the same topic is often a few half-baked words. These are at the top, solely due to the writer knowing how to do SEO properly. Bastards!
Are we slaves to Google? It feels that way. What’s worse is I’ve always thought Google was a crap word. I reckon a good search engine name should be ‘Roger’. Let me give you an example. There you are. Sitting on top of a hill and no doubt you’re wondering only one thing. “Why didn’t Napoleon commit the Imperial Guard at the Battle of Borodino? If he did, it may have paved the way for the fall of Moscow and history would be very different.” It’s a good question. I could then reply, “I don’t know, but I’ll give Napoleon a Rogering and find out.” See what I mean? Once I’ve Rogered Napoleon I can come back with the answer. The options of using Roger are limitless.
So what’s changed in here? Mm… Let me think. Oh, I know. Nothing. It’s all the same stuff that’s bored you forever. As you can see in the header menu, I’ve included certain categories such as ‘alpine’ and ‘coastal’. The original idea was to have all the states listed. There was a problem though. Victoria has about 280 posts and the count for Queensland is roughly none. Western Australia is a bit the same. Seemed a bit weird to use a category link that goes to nothing? Anyway, ease up you Queenslanders who think I should be visiting and writing about the place. You’ve not just elected, but have inflicted both George Christensen and Pauline Hanson on us. And you want me to go walking up there?
Actually, if you’re reading this in the States, don’t you go and get smug about our insipid dribblers in parliament. You’ve got a lot to answer for. I used to like all things orange, but now I feel queasy when I see the colour. How will I face a Cheezel again? Oh, make no mistake, but small hands = small sausage. Mm… While I’m talking about nutritional items. What’s happened to the Wagon Wheel? I had one the other day and it was completely different to the last I had in 1972. Where’s the jam? The mallow? Why’s the chocolate taste like crap? I’m outraged! MAKE WAGON WHEELS GREAT AGAIN.
Okay, back to the categories. I’ve officially given up trying to put them in some sort of workable order. It was okay in 2009 when there were about 10 posts, but after six years the amount of content has turned the whole thing pear-shaped. Plus, my blog thoughts change. Originally I was going to be the kingpin hiking resource of the Southern Hemisphere.
I envisioned permanently wearing pants with multiple pockets and being sponsored by outdoor companies. Besides reviewing weight saving essentials such as carbon-fibre toothbrushes, I’d also write about maintaining fitness for the outdoors. I had an article lined up called ‘How to stay hard for hiking’ and I imagined being sponsored by Cialis to write it. Then suddenly one day the idea bored me senseless and out the window it went. As it is, I’ve got a photography category. Yet I don’t review anything photographic. As you can see, Hiking Fiasco. The resurrection is a nightmare (oh yes, focus keywords are appearing like an unwanted rash. It’s working well).
On the home page, there are links to my Twitter where I rarely tweet and Instagram where I never gram. Hang on. What is it called? I’m gramming? Huh? That can’t be right. You never know, I may adopt some more social networking. Unlikely, but you never know.
What else? There are some minor changes to the comment system, although I have no idea how that operates. If you want to, I know you can use your Facebook or Twitter account to leave a comment. I think. If you’ve subscribed before, you may have to do so again. Do you like how I wrote ‘may’? If you think that I, the creator of this blog has any idea how it operates, you’re sorely mistaken. I haven’t got a clue.
Other things are more or less the same. If you can’t find anything, you can always use the search box. As an example, if you wanted to read about the Viking, stick ‘viking’ in there and you should get all you need. Oh, I’m talking about the Viking walk and not this viking.
Then again, I’ve tagged that photo correctly, so this post will probably come up first if you search for the viking word. Oh well, you’ll work it out.
Am I done? No, not yet. Don’t forget I haven’t been here for months. Remember this photo?
Have a look where it is now.
Yes, you can find it sprawled over the new Meridian Maps edition for the Great South West Walk. The picture was taken during that hike, which I walked one and a half times. At the time, I was battered by winter coastal winds, struck down by killer blisters and then eaten alive by leeches in the Cobboboonee Forest. I knew one day though, it would all be worthwhile and at some point a reward of vast riches would come my way. Finally, after four years that moment arrived. I got a free map. Actually, I’m talking crap. I got two maps out of it. Anyway, I think it came out well, although I’m insanely biased. Just think, you can buy the map and carry me in your pocket wherever you go.
What else? Oh, I’ve got a hundred thoughts and ideas. Unfortunately not many relate to walking and this post has already hit 1700 words. Did you know in SEO terms that’s bad? My lack of sub-headings will now relegate this in a Google search? See what I mean? The whole thing sucks!
I better head off and you know what’s one annoying thing about returning to blogging? I’ve got to do some walks for new material. Sure, I had a stack of walks that I’d completed a while ago. They were all lined up in a walk bank for future blogging use. Unfortunately that grand idea went pear-shaped when the computer died earlier in the year. Photos taken on those old strolls are now on hard drives and that filing system is a complete joke. As in there is no filing system. I guess I really, really should write up the Mallacoota to Wonbyn hike. Then again, I say that every six months and never actually compile it.
What I do have though is a handful of walks and places up my sleeve where there’s barely a mention online. You know how it is when you buy a new walking book? Open it up and find it has all the same walks as the previous outdoor guide you’d bought five years ago? Do I really need another publication with the 1000 steps in it? I guess these handful of walks are repeated for a reason. They’re probably the best to do, but the thought is wearing a little thin. So, I’ll be getting off my arse and attempting something next week (maybe) which is not so well known.
Until next time….!
Welcome back. More returns than John Farnham, although the comparison is wrong because you never said farewell.
I would recommend Queensland, but wait until winter for walking. Stay out of Queensland regional towns, it is a bit like going back to the fifties.
There’s no way I’ve had as many comebacks as John Farnham! I’ve only had about 30. He’s had way more! Yeah, I’m still traumatised by Townsville in 1984 🙂
All’s good in the world again, the skies blue, the weekends arrived, the crickets on the radio, Mr Fiasco is back and an orange haired imbecile is in charge of the free world….oh wait, f*#k!! Well I suppose four out of five ain’t to bad.
Welcome back, and yeah I’m still waiting for the rest of that walk at Nadgee:)
I remember a bottle shop in Roma (going to Carnarvon Gorge, a great place to walk) and asking for some Coopers beer, and the woman said is that some sort of South Australian beer? It seemed the options were slabs of XXXX, or VB for the more cultured drinkers, and 4 litre casks for women or the alcoholics on a tight budget. By comparison Townsville is probably quite cultured.
So good to see you back and in such fine fiasco form. Your humour helped reduce some of this week’s orange-induced trauma. Just when I was taking in one joke, I was hit with another and another. Bam, bam, bam!
Congrats on having your pic selected for the front of a Meridian Map. I can see why they chose it. Beautiful shot. I’m thinking the company should partner with you to sell signed copies through your blog. I’m sure a Hiking Fiasco flourish on the front would make a great collector’s item. I’d buy one. 🙂
Welcome back! Looking forward to chuckling my way through future reads.
Yeah, some things don’t change. Australia is still rubbish at cricket and the Nadgee post hasn’t been done yet 🙂 Believe it or not, but I never processed the photos from the hike. I probably should dust off a hard drive and dig them out. It would make sense to write about it, as I can stay inside and not do any walking for another month 🙂
Oh, that makes perfect sense! I’m sure Townsville is cultured and fancy now, but when I was there I knew a bloke who drank cough medicine for booze whenever he ran out of money for the fortnight 🙂 Not to mention I’d buy the cheapest bottle of Scotch known to man. I still remember it. $12 a bottle and it was called ‘Robert the Bruce’! I’ve crossed FNQ off my bucket list 🙂
Haha… Considering the orange terror, jokes are needed ASAP.
Yeah, I told Mr Map Man there were better photos from the hike, but he was adamant that one was fantastic. Funny how a picture I took without any thought at all is the most liked one. I don’t actually remember taking it 🙂
No worries! I’m alive! 🙂
You’re back! Again!
I’m not … but I still read you. Havent been for a bushwalk in practically forever. Not sure I remember how.
Hi again! Yes, I made back. Somehow 🙂 Thanks always for being a loyal reader.
Not so good to hear you’re not walking, but you’ve got a valid excuse. I haven’t 🙂 I have watched a lot of movies lately though, so I guess that’s something!
Greg, It’s great to see Fiasco up and about again. Vunderbar!
Thanks! Yes, the dead has risen 🙂
I’ve never commented on the blog before but just wanted to say that I’m really glad you’re back!!
Whenever I’m feeling in need of a laugh out loud moment I can usually find one. Some of my favourite posts are the Viking Circuit and Overland Track.
Thanks again and looking forward to some new posts.
Thanks for your lovely comment! Yeah, it’s funny how the more entertaining posts seem to be the ones where I was in pain the most 🙂 Maybe I have to fire up a bit and do some harder walks. At least I might get some new material that way! 🙂
I was so distraught and unnerved by the hiatus of Hiking Fiasco hiatus that I er.. gave up using the internet.
So I’m glad you are back with new fonts, SEO and so forth – it is very very gratifying. I have a blog where I have instituted SEA, which is Search Engine Avoidance. I believe the blog can only be found via Bing, which of course no-body in the world actually uses. I’m always baffled when anybody [even the spam-bots] finds their way there and leaves a comment. I check in annually.
I tried to watch the Olympics too but fell asleep near the start and woke somewhere near the end.
Ah, that’s the beauty of blogging. Generally it’s an extended conversation with yourself. I’ve no idea how I’ve done five years of this, as I get bored senseless talking to myself. In theory, I may be the world’s most boring man 🙂
Ah but you’re selling yourself short. People come, read, laugh and delight in your writing – they say so !! Sure, some of them are gore-lovers – just waiting for those falls, scrapes, gouges & wounds incurred by yourself or any reliably haemophiliac walking parters
But the rest of us enjoy the prose, Oh, and the photos. *Both good*.
Not boring. .
Aww come on Greg, do the Mallacoota/Nadgee hike before you fade away into the blogosphere again. Im looking forward to reading your thoughts on the sand and the wind and the windblown sandy bits. Or maybe you were lucky and had a non windy day on the beach, which can be rare occasion here as Mallacoota is the 10th windiest place in Oz (read that trivia somewhere, probably on Google).
Seriously, The Nadgee walk is some of the best wilderness left in Australia and I bet you didn’t see many other humans along the way. That’s another good thing about Mallacoota, it’s a long way from the USA.
Thanks! Be careful though, otherwise you’ll give me a helium head 🙂
Yes, I do need to do that trip. In fact, I might try and put it together as the next series of posts. My only hesitation has been I was with other people and secondly, not a lot happened. Always makes it hard to write up 🙂 I will give it a go though. Thanks for your comment and the trivia. I didn’t know that about Mallacoota and the wind, but considering my winter trip along there, I certainly believe it!
TGGIB (Thank God Greg Is Back)!!!!!! I’ve missed your blogs and can’t wait for what’s to come!
Thank you! I hope I’ve got enough material to keep me going for a few more years yet 🙂
OMG finally after typing in the hik and hitting enter after the auto-complete you are finally here!!! So glad to have your entertaining posts to read again, and your wonderful photos to admire. Welcome back Mr Fiasco ???
glad you are back.
Love the idea of places/hikes that are barely mentioned. You’ve done a few of these already – that black range one. But there are many others. Mt Piper near broadford for eg. Anyway…get busy
Yep, still kicking 🙂
Not that I’ve done much since I got back, but glad to be here 🙂
Ah yes, I do need to get the finger out. Recently did an up and over Signal Peak in the Grampians. Maybe that could make for a good post in the next month or so.
Welcome back. We were here all the time, waiting, shuffling, looking sideways with raised eyebrows at each other, clearing our throats, muttering. We were just wondering whether we might actually, ahem, have to go out for a hike – Oh God NO – ourselves!!!!! But all is well, you are Resurrected, we settle back and get comfortable. Thank you Fiasco, I am going to try to subscribe, if I find out how I will let you know. Cheers and break a leg!! Onwards and upwards… (my beer is raised in a grateful salute)
Thank you! Yeah, there is more stuff to come, but alas, the Christmas gluttony has got in the way a little. I should have something to post in the next few weeks, as believe it or not, but I have been doing some walking 🙂
Hahaha! I share your pain – the technicalities of blogging seem to be more important than the actual experiences I’m blogging about. How is that right or fair?? I decided it wasn’t, so I’ve also staged a protest against Google’s insidious world takeover by writing what I want, when I want, how I want and taking time out for the actual experiences. So it’ll come as no surprise to see my Alexa rating plummeting 😀 I decided that nothing puts me off more than reading a post that starts ‘I didn’t know what to write about today …’ which has just been written so the person’s blog stays up in the Google rankings. But enough about that – good to see you back, however momentarily. The blog design looks great too!!
Yeah, over the six years of blogging it’s dawned on me how much we’re slaves to Google! All about that blasted ranking. I can have a trip that covers everything you’d ever need to do the same walk and it won’t even be on the first few pages of a Google search. Yet, at the top will be something that’s essentially glorified advertising. Makes me think the blog should really be on the backburner and look at aiming for a book of some sort instead. I’m sure you know what I mean 🙂 Oh, Alexa? I plummeted two million. How this is possible, I have no idea, but my solution is to not look at Alexa anymore 🙂
Thank god – he’s back! Does the fact that we were both blogging-absent for the same period raise eyebrows I wonder?!!! Looking forward to the new-look HF!
I know! In the last few years, I’ve barely been on this blog. Sorry for the slow reply. I’ve just spent 6 weeks trying to get the internet connected…
Yes…..woo hoo! Greg your still with us! Please come back down Signal Peak life on the lowlands is not all that bad!
So many questions so little time……did Mrs Smuffin survive the descent, did you and Smuffin survive Mrs Smuffin on the descent………?????????
Hey, I’ve been moving house and waiting six weeks for internet, so HF got put on the backburner! As you say, I do need to finish this post and wrap it up! Certainly getting stale now 🙂 I’ll make an effort later this week to put everyone out of their misery!